Dear Luci-Kali,

•January 4, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Wine is to be sipped, not gulped.

I understand, you feel miserable.
You feel like shit.
Your heart is shattered,
and you don’t know where most of the pieces went.
Under the desk, under the bed?
Maybe a piece or two in the living room.
But, it’s too late to start searching for them right now.

I understand, you need to be numbed one way or another.
Zinfandel awaits you, chilling in the refrigerator.
Better than the stash of vodka, tequila, rum, and whiskey
that sit on the shelf collecting dust.
Let them collect that dust,
as you may recall what happened two years ago,
I don’t want that to happen again.

I understand, that was one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever made.
You wonder if he hates you for what you did.
He might, but you needed to do this for yourself.
Your focus and energy headed in one direction and it never returned,
not by fault of the other, as there is no fault.
You’re just becoming aware of what you need,
and of what you weren’t going to receive.

There will be many days where will you write verses.
Different titles, different lines, different tongues,
but all with the same shattered pieces.

Sips, darling, sips.

Tristeza: Cuando Pierdo La Motivación y Esperanza…

•January 4, 2009 • Leave a Comment

no ha razón para ver en color.

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img_1855

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(Christmas tree at the building’s main floor. Yeah, that little dude on the right…he just appeared out of nowhere)

(Just a Canon PowerShot SD750)

Let’s Get This Over With: New Year’s Resolutions and Goals

•December 31, 2008 • Leave a Comment

The Shit to Get Out of the Way: Vanity
1. Diligently go to the gym; “manipulate” my figure and get it down to 36-24-36 (…I got my reasons, don’t question me!).
2. Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate.
3. Build up my metabolism to the point where I’m eating 2400-2500 calories a day again.
4. Pick up kettleball training; powerlifting; parkour.
5. Remind myself of the beauty I possess; don’t wait nor anticipate for others to do it for me.

Marks of Adulthood
1. Move the fuck out already.
2. Adopt a furchild.
3. …I really want a furchild.

Artistic Ambitions/Personal Development
1. Pick up my guitar again.
2. Actually be publicly funny, because if I could write it, I could say it.
3. Be crafty (the reason why I don’t see the things I visualize in my head in the stores is because that means that I have to do it myself).
4. Volunteer my services to smaller non-profits.
5. Fuckin’ write more!

The Ones I Know I Won’t Accomplish, But Force of Habit to Mention
1. Stop procrastinating.
2. Stop picking at blemishes.
3. Stop hesitating (no, not the same as procrastinating).
4. Finally fall in love with the anticipation that I’ll receive love back (…I acknowledge this misfortune as a way of life).

Things That Needs to be Done, Like This Week
1. New Orleans in late March (First Big Girl Trip on my own; business trips don’t count) (book by Friday).
2. Get that damn DSLR camera; enroll in photography class (by Friday).
3. Additional bellydancing classes, because I know I got potential (by Sunday).
4. Learn how to drive…finally. MTA trains are not for my own personal use (and at the rate that fares are going up, might as well) (Permit on Monday).

Things to Learn (Before I Go Mad and/or Jump Off A Roof)
1. Learn how to disarm fear and anger, as the persons it’s directed to don’t care about me or what they have done to me.
2. Learn how to forgive.
3. Learn how to let go.
4. Learn how to trust.
5. Learn how to say “I love you” to those closest to me.
6. Learn how to fully live.

A Short Rant on My Frustration with Social Networking Sites

•December 10, 2008 • 2 Comments

Below is just a re-post of a journal entry at a nameless dating/social networking website that I’m at. I feel that it’s a small part in a long-train of thought that I have with social networking sites in general (particularly MySpace).

I have repeatedly made the effort to format my social networking profiles in a way that properly illustrates who I am. In the same breathe, I’ve also made the effort to be straight-forward as possible (a.k.a. filtering out those I don’t want contacting me). Yet, this tactic seems not to work, as people obviously bypass reading the profile’s content and head for pictures. As I get messages that prove this assumption, I think to myself:

“OK, you’re contacting on the basis of my pictures (I’m not hot shit, I know). Don’t you see that looking at the content of your profile and my profile, we have absolutely jackshit in common? Why do you send me messages solely with ‘HEY MA, UR SEXY’? Umm, really, how do you want me to respond to that? Thanks? No, it’s tacky. Besides, any response on my end implies that I would want to hear back from you, which is the last thing I would want to occur. So, again, no, fuck no. Why won’t people take the time to read, in order for them to realize that I will probably turn them off? Seriously, the realization will probably occur in one paragraph’s worth of reading! Please do it!”

I know, naivety is at play here.

(Said post at nameless dating/social networking site) Continue reading ‘A Short Rant on My Frustration with Social Networking Sites’

If Roadrunner Records Thinks Amanda Palmer is Fat…

•December 3, 2008 • 1 Comment

then I must be a beached-up whale.

Seriously, the record label that has subjected us to Nickelback since hell began, thinks Amanda Palmer (of the Dresden Dolls) is fat. They wanted to edited out her belly shots in her new video, “Leeds United” because it was seemed “uncommercial” Uhh, where’s the fuckin’ fat in the video below??? And does this mean that Roadrunner’s CEO has a six-pack?

FUCK YOU ROADRUNNER AND YOUR FUCKIN’ SEXIST SHIT, Palmer is fuckin’ hot!!!

Additional belly coverage at:
Feministing
The F Word
Shakesville

Hiatus, Obviously

•November 25, 2008 • 2 Comments

Obviously, I took a break from the blog.  Many things have been going on in the past two months that will ultimately be reflected on this blog.  I can’t say when this will occur, but soon I hope.

I have also developed a preference for Twitter.

Reflecting On a Year Ago: Depression

•September 29, 2008 • 1 Comment

Due to déjà vu-ish and dumbass circumstances, accumulatively speaking I slept only one hour today. I usually wake up at 8:50am. At 7:20am, I was wide awake.

Instead of lying depressed in bed knowing that I wasn’t going to get anymore sleep, I just got the fuck up. I decided to get myself to the gym. I have never been at the gym before noon on weekends, and on weekdays, I go in after 8pm.

But it was either going to be the gym or the bottle.

I thought to myself, “should I go handle my dual rage/emo-ness through the bottle and repeat the same mistake of last year, or should I be productive and get a workout, particularly since I haven’t been in the gym in almost two weeks? Alkie mode or Workout mode? Alcohol or gym?”

So yes, I picked the gym.

Ironically, I crashed and burned around this same time last year. Although several situations were going on concurrently, I never indicated what the main cause was, only making subtle hints to Death personified.
Continue reading ‘Reflecting On a Year Ago: Depression’